FIRST BOOK LAUNCH

A couple of weeks ago, I pushed myself out of my comfort zone. Miles and miles out of it. As a creative person, the idea of selling myself or being the centre of attention is daunting. The idea of failure is also terrifying to me, so the planning of an actual book launch, was not a prospect I relished. Gently encouraged by supporters to proceed, to further awareness of my books, and celebrate that I have completed and published a THIRD book, I agreed.

On the day, I was beyond nervous, and I joked that if I had a body -double I would have sent her along, in my place. The expected fear of no one showing up coupled with imposter syndrome, ramped up and drowned out the little self-belief I possessed. I was a wreck after setting up my table beneath the ornate chandelier. I had already tried to hide myself away in the corner, but been gently steered to the middle of the room, where I could be seen first. I still had a couple of hours for my signing to start and I dashed home to gather myself and calm down. My husband, frequently my voice of reason, came back to the event with me, and worked hard to steady my crippling nerves.

As we awaited the start time of my event, my stomach churned, and my hands shook. How would I know what to say? How should I act? Where should I stand? What do authors do usually? But immediately, as the warm faces headed towards me, some familiar, some not, old friends and new, all my fears evaporated. These people were not judging me, they wanted to support me, have a chat and enjoy the moment. They didn’t care where I stood, or how ‘author-like’ I appeared.

The two hours flew by. I signed books, took lots of selfies with people and soaked up the warmth. The room felt full of love and positivity, and I was bowled over by those who showed up for me, despite the inclement weather all day. The lesson I learned through this event: fear would have cheated me of this amazing experience, if I had caved in. I am glad that there was no doppelganger who would have taken my place and absorbed the wonderful feelings of support I was given.

Now, on my days of self-doubt, I try and draw on this day; on my absolute delight as the faces appeared smiling and championing me as an author, and thanks to everyone who made it happen, I will treasure the memory forever.